Hi. I am new to all this "support" stuff, but I thought I would try. I have a very supportive partner, but I am having trouble none the less. I have been diagnosed with bipolar, PSTD, and brain damage. still I feel unsure of things. one day I feel like there is nothing wrong with me the next there is nothing right. I really want to be there for my family, so I joined y'all to see if this would help. Here is my question:
Does anyone else feel like there are three of you? I have the professional me. That's the one that can go to work and deal with everything on a supperfical level. Is in control most of the time, yet very devious. The second is a very evil person. Constantly wanting to burn up my life. Everything good about my life he tries to ruin. I constantly fight not to let him take over. A few times he has. Everyday I battle not to just give in. The only thing that helps is having a great family and gabapentin. I find myself looking for relief with alcohol and pain pills. The third person is only known by my wife and me. My wife belives that is who I really am. He fights to do what is right and be good, but he is struggling. I do not feel I am naturally prone to be this person. I feel as though I have created him. I feel very little emotion most of the time and just do what I reason is the exeptable thing. The only emotions I feel I have is anger, fear, and happiness. When expressed very very intense. Now I wonder who am I?
Thank you for your time. Any input welcome. I have been without a doc. for years.