Hmm, that's interesting. While many of us manage to more or less "keep up appearances" so to speak in our work lives, it is hard work. I don't know anyone who can do that consistently (it's possible they may exist I suppose, it's just hard to imagine(!)...). So in that sense there can be a bit of feeling there's the (somewhat) "together" person "the world" sees and the other times when we cannot maintain it. But, that could probably be said of people with any number of mental issues (ie., certainly not exclusive to bipolar).

Naturally, we cannot diagnose. In reading the things you've talked about though, I really don't see anything that would suggest bipolar. It would definitely be a good idea to see a psychological professional -- as in: a psychiatrist. (NOT a GP. GPs -- even with the best of intentions, are simply out of their depth in such a complex field. Certainly a GP may able to refer you to a psychiatrist, just don't let them play one on tv ) Again with the caveat of not attempting to diagnose... are you at all familiar with dissociative disorders? It kind of came to mind, though I admit to know but a little of them. There is a page right here at PsychCentral that has links to various disorders the you might find interesting: Mental Disorders & Conditions - DSM . Don't forget that one must always guard against trying to self-diagnose though. It's complex stuff, symptoms overlap, degree of impairment etc that play into it. If you have brain damage, it seems likely that that could also be a factor in what you are experiencing.

One thing, and you may not want to hear this, but in order for any psychiatrist to get a handle on what's actually going on mentally, the drinking and pills will have to go. Those present problems and symptoms themselves, to say nothing of making a complex situation even more tangled. How could they possibly begin to sort out what is causing what, after all?(!) (You can certainly contact them without first accomplishing this though(!) Just let them know, and they can advise you from there. There are many people with dual diagnoses, which is to say issues with substance abuse as well.)

Please do see a professional though. This is obviously causing you a great deal of distress. It sounds like you have such an understanding and supportive wife -- imagine what a wonderful thing for you both to be able to do something positive to help the situation! Best of luck and welcome to the forums!