I don't doubt for a fraction of a second that you do really love him . . . a lot. If you didn't, there wouldn't be any problem and this thread wouldn't be here. I don't doubt that you have a great capacity to forgive, and that he will be the recipient of that on into the future.

I think your compassion is getting in the way of you thinking about what is best for you. That doesn't mean you have low self worth. You understand a lot about how a tough background can warp someone's approach to life, and that lets you be understanding and accepting of this man. This would be great if he were a relative or just a friend. He's more than that. He's someone you will be depending upon for support during all the toughest challenges that will come along in your life. And you know what? He ain't gonna be there for you in the way that you will need. Going to all the therapists in the world isn't going to change that for you. You're dooming yourself to a lot of pain.

You probably can't end this relationship. That may just be too hard for you. But, in years to come, you may be able to look back more clearly and see that your hopes were misplaced. He is who he is. He's okay with that. You're not. You are the one with the problem . . . just as he says. And you always will be. Love is blinding you. Maybe you are the best thing in his life, and you hate to see him lose that. You are thinking about what is best for him. That's what love does. That is also how people, especially young women, badly mess up their lives. You see yourself as being strong enough to go without the support you would like to get from him, but don't get. Plus, if you give him up, maybe no one better will come along. Nobody wants to be lonely. As the song said, "Even a bad love is better that no love." That's what we believe when we are young. It's not lack of self worth. It's over-estimating our own strength.

If you can't end it, maybe try pulling back a bit. Maybe make him have to work harder to get from you what you have to give. This might teach you something about him.

You sound like a person who well deserves to be very loved. Settling for this is maybe due to a lack of faith on your part that life can offer you something better. Self-sacrifice is noble, if you are a fireman going into a blaze to rescue a family. Self-sacrifice on your part to make up to this man for how life may have cheated him is not noble, IMHO. You only have one life. Despite what your abusers communicated to you, you do have a right to put your own welfare at the very top of your list of priorities.