That's it. I can't work right now. Monday I spent the first two periods crying I the bathroom. Every day so far I have cried in the bathroom or my classroom at least twice. We have done no learning this week because I can barely focus. I have panic attacks off and on all day. I had one as soon as I came in the building today.

I left my pdoc a wreck yesterday because I am out of antidepressants to try. I am completely drained and hopeless at this point. She nearly called the cops and mobile crisis to come get me when I got home. My husband talked her out of it. Then he spent an hour and half hurling insults at me while I just sat there,dead, to "get a reaction". He said he was divorcing me, taking our son, bipolar is a bullsh!t diagnosis, it's actually just my fault, I'm not trying hard enough, I just don't care, I'm just listening to my doctors etc etc etc. all, he said later, designed to make me mad. He apparently doesn't mean any of it. But how can I believe him when he says he doesn't mean it. Why say **** you don't mean.

I don't know how to pull through. It is so black and heavy. I know it will be over eventually but it hurts so much now. And I hate that all anyone can say is live in the present, blah blah. The present is pretty terrible.

But I digress. The point is I think I have to take a medical leave from my job right now. It's making things far worse. Has anyone had to do that before? How easy is it? I'm not trying to fill out miles of paperwork. I can't handle that either.