I'm trying to understand what happened. I smoked a legal spice substance. "All natural tobacco alternative" that specifically said it has no research chemicals in it I was told. Someone told me there were poison berries in it.

I smoked it out of a water pipe. I was also withdrawing but I had only stopped the medication 2 days prior so it would've still been in my system...

What happened felt like a seizure. I felt like I experienced death, both physically and mentally, and was filled with dread. But my friend said I wasn't shaking. I guess I only felt like I was shaking. I was a little but not convulsing. I lost balance. It appeared that I left my body completely. I also entered my friend's body and we were saying the same thing at the same time.

It proves the afterlife, because the soul can leave. I've never experienced awareness of my soul being in two places at once though. I believe in reincarnation, but this was a very scary experience. I imagine it is how people experience stages of death. I felt I was near the final stage, mentally, where energy became one substance, and time distorted so did space. It was frightening because I couldn't locate my personal self, or thought, or personality, or what was directing my body.

Another issue is anti-psychotic medication condenses my spirit body, so that there is a singular momentum to my actions. Meaning, I can control my thoughts which direct every bodily sensation, and it weighs me down. I believe Abilify is impairing me alone in this sense, I have taken 30 mgs of Abilify for 8 years and I am beginning to want to stop it. Now my psychiatrist senses that and is recommending a monthly injection.

She says she perceives that it makes me better, but that's only half the story. I'm just so effing used to it of course it seems that way. I take Adderall just to combat the cognitive impairments of Abilify. Abilify makes me dysphoric and is doing nothing other than polluting me and has been for such a long time.

I am not sure I will be able to get off it without full detox and a replacement of B and other supplements.

I've been told by other adults my age that the two medications are contradictory.

Also that Abilify is not supposed to be taken at such a high dose on its own.

I want to move away. I'm sick of being controlled, and then I was told I should try assisted living. Abilify is what is impairing me.