I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship...literally...since the day I got married. We all hear funny quips and jabs about women who "let themselves go" after getting their man. (not judging, just stating for comparison) This is EXACTLY what happened to ME, in my marriage. I THOUGHT that everything I was feeling was related to being "newlyweds" and that marriage was just "hard". I didn't see the abuse, for what it was, for YEARS. Honestly, until I had children and didn't have the same amount of time to spend trying to "fix or change myself" to make him happy, I never stopped to analyze WHY we had issues.

I am past the point of "blaming" him or being the "victim" in all of this. While I DO still blame him for most of what has happened in our marriage, I am not in a place where I allow him to define me anymore.

What upsets me and bothers me though, is that heading into divorce, there are no repercussions for his actions. Sure, I'll get this or that, and some modest child support, but overall.....it is hard to accept that EA is so "off the radar" that it just goes un-noticed and un-punished, to be honest. If I had a bruise or broken bone for every abusive action that I experienced, he would not even be allowed to see our children, without a chaperone present. While I would never want to keep my children from him, we have TWO girls, and I can already SEE the judgement, criticism, control and with-holding of affection, headed their way. I get that one day, as adults, they will be able to CHOOSE what kind of relationship they want to have with him. I get that just like ANY other kid, they will have issues based on their childhoods, upbringing, parents, etc.....even issues with ME.

What I cannot seem to wrap my mind around, is the idea that even though he was abusive to me for our ENTIRE marriage, just b/c he wasn't truly PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE, with documentation, there is no recourse to protect my children from his mental issues. It is so sad to me....b/c I hate it for THEM. It took me nearly 12 years to be STRONG enough to LEAVE, 4 of which I lived with him, also being strong enough to let whatever he said, just roll off my back. But for them? Legally? There is NO recourse or help. It becomes a matter of he said/she said, and that....breaks my heart.

If anyone has any thoughts, tips or experiences on bringing EA to the forefront and on HOW it may have helped you to protect your children, I would love to hear them. As it stands, he "appears" to be a "standard or good" Dad, overall. Yet his abuse, is simply something that he hides from the rest of the world. I don't care about ME, in this situation. I only care about my girls.