Speaking from my experience, you can spend years 'shut down' as a way of not having g to deal with feelings. Knowingly. But eventually, if you do this, it will come out in some other way. Mine was suicidal ideation and isolating myself as well as SI, to calm myself when I wasn't wanting to get overwhelmed.

Out of all the people I've known who died, I only cried for one. I shut down when my father died and when my mother died last year. My whole family thought I was so strong and stoic, but I was ashamed to admit to anyone that I felt nothing. I felt completely dead.

Good Luck