How's this for a fair trade:
I'll give you my cervix (yay you can have a spare!). And I'll take your someday-vacation to Scotland.
Isn't that a spectacular deal? No? Darn.
I really hope that the pain starts to lessen soon to a more tolerable level 
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"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..."
"I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.
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