Well tonight I finally told my brother in law that I was done. I let him have an earfull after he tried to turn the situation around, and basically make me feel like the bad person. In front of my husband and the kids I asked him if he thought I had maid or nanny services written across my chest. I told him that he brought those children into the world and it was time he owned up and took care of them, and that I was tired of him using me all the time. I hated being the bad person, but how bad I had gotten didn't hit me until today when I saw a picture of myself today with my kids and realized I almost look like a skeleton. Sunken face and all. And afterwards I had an anxiety attack, but I think that one was worth it. Not sure if I actually did the right thing, but, it made me feel a little better and in control. We will see how this next couple of days goes with him and the kids. My kids all started to cheer.

The husband and I do try to go out, but with all the kids I spent more time worring than having any fun. I feel like if I leave they wont be taken care of, and right now it seems like that is the only thing I can control, at least a little. I wish I just new what to do to find out what triggers the anxiety attacks. I have had them just driving to the store.

Thanks for the advice.