I feel STUCK. That's the best way to put it. I despise myself, but have to keep up a show for my family, because I care about my 4 kids more than anything. I feel useless, and it's a major accomplishment if I can just get a load of laundry done when I get home from work...and yet my family lives me and wants to have a birthday party for me, even though I feel so undeserving. I'm a fake. I make such a small impact on the world. My kids are old enough that they will be fine no matter what. My husband...well, he will be okay. So what purpose do I have? I can't think of any. I have recently decided that I'm a pragmatic agnostic, which takes away the comfort of religion. I am so purposeless! And yet indeed to protect those I love, so I don't reveal anything...hence, this post in a forum where I know no one and expect not to be judged.