I need help with this, y'all.

In years of therapy I acknowledged the need for boundaries in my life...especially with my birth family as they recognized no lines that couldn't be crossed.

From there, I was able to establish some very important boundaries for my mental/emotional wellness, as well as those for my family.

Good job, Kim, right?

Well, it's not over there. I kinda thought it would be. I had the sight to see the need and then establish boundaries for self care, but it's such a struggle to maintain them. I didn't prepare for that part of it.

I thought once I made myself clear and followed my thoughts/requests with clear action and example that would be that, I guess. However, those in my life don't see it quite that way...lol. I spent years being "the doormat and rescuer" -- my entire life actually -- and I made my stand continually and repetitively for months. After they upped the ante and I held firm, everyone (in appearance) kinda fell into the new routine. I thought it was over.

It wasn't. It continues when I least expect it, and when I'm already spread thin, it's hard for me to battle for "self". Will I have to stay in that "boundary battle mode" forever with my birth family?

Also, how do those that I've established boundaries with know the perfect timing to bounce back with the "old tactic"? It seems that they know when I'm not doing well, then pull out the old bag of tricks.

I guess my question is...is there a way to foresee the old behaviors beginning before the boundaries are crossed again? I don't have the energy for 24/7 hypervigilence anymore, nor do I want it.

It's next to impossible to restrict their access to me so that I don't have to be so hypervigilent because of my caring for my little man (nephew). It's so hard to maintain all of the time and not want to just give in...just for a little while.

I hope I made some kind of sense. It's hard to explain.

Thanks!

KD