I'm resurrecting this thread.

My wife and I continue to grow together, but we really don't have anything of a sexual relationship anymore.

As she said to me, the "specialness" is gone. If I can become aroused and orgasm from looking at other women, then what makes her special? And what is there to make her feel safe with me, and that I won't judge her physical appearance or performance in the bedroom now and as we age. She says she cringes anytime I tell her she is pretty or beautiful, because that isn't unique to her anymore.

I've really, really hurt her, and hurt us, and perhaps destroyed her self-esteem permanently.

I continue to try to be present for her in any way I can, and I continue to try to "date" her, with special meals, candles, notes on her mirror, notes in her car, etc.

I've always been intensely, overwhelmingly, attracted to my wife. She has always kind of surpressed her sexual feelings and desires. I really think there is the potential for her and I to be a truly great couple together, and live the connected, sexual life we both want.

How do I help her heal? How do I help re-build her self-esteem? If you have been through this, what has worked for you in your marriage?