Talk and write and talk and write some more. Go to family and friends and open up to them. It is through the loving aid of others that you will find your way out. You already know what to do, you just don't know how to do it (yet) You do deserve better and not only that, you will one day find better because now know what is unacceptable to you. Your child is watching and learning from your example so allow your bravery to show and take the steps for yourself. You have already done all you can for your husband. There is no shame in any of this.