Yes, I think your wife has her own self esteem problems, you did not create them. She has never had the capability to be the only woman in the world, the most beautiful, most desirable, etc. You get to say whether she is special to you and whether you find her sexy. I do not think she understands male sexuality very well? I do not know if she would be open to learning from you, exploring with you or if you hurt her by shutting her out with watching "too much" porn. Are you in therapy at all or is she or the two of you together?
I would talk with her more rather than assuming your idea of "special" the dating and romantic stuff is what she wants? It sounds like she has cliche ideas about porn but that you have similar sorts of ideas about what "women" want. You are both individuals and have to connect at an individual level, not an all-porn-is-bad/flowers-and-candles-are-romantic way?
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius
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