this is what she said to me:
"i just want to go somewhere warm and dark and slowly and painlessly die. so badly you dont even know. i dont want it, i need it more than anything. i cant cry anymore, i cant hurt myself anymore it doesnt do anything. im afraid of the future, but i cant deal with the present, and i cant live in the past. being drugged is the only thing that makesit go away for any sustained period of time."