So it's been a while since I've popped my head into this forum, but today I feel the need to reconnect. It's been a while since my last disassociation - almost a year - but I'm starting to feel the pulls of it again. My T brought it up in therapy for the first time a few weeks ago, and made the connection between a traumatic event and my disassociations which for some reason I hadn't quite made the connection to. Which is silly because that's probably where everything came from.

But what really brought me here is that I've recently started seeing someone new, and although he has been my friend for almost two years now I never brought up my disassociations. The topic of DID came up last night in conversation though and he said "I've always wondered what it's like", so I explained what I have seen from others... and then I opened up and explained what I go though (which is very similar but also very different to DID).

He was super respectful and curious, not just about what I experience, but also what to do, and he realized he had actually met one of my alters (I had completely forgotten, even though I knew about it). We reflected on how that situation had been handled (badly) and talked about what he should do if that happens.

I even told him about a few of my alters in detail, explaining quirks and basic personalities that I knew, including one particularly nasty personality.

But even though it's gone so well, I'm worried I scared him away. And what's worse is that now it's become so on my mind, along with the trauma I've been blocking out, I can almost hear them and I've started feeling them again in the back of my head.

I don't want to lose him, and I feel like if I lose control I will.