Hello Everyone,
I've been seeing my t for 3 years now. He's really helped me through a lot. He helped me see I didn't have to remain in an abusive relationship when I saw no way out. And he's really helped a lot with my social anxiety. BUT, this latest topic, gender dysphoria or confusion or what ever you want to call it... well, we've started talking about it. I can't look at him and talk about it. I feel like I really want his help, but I dread the office appt. Last week I was feeling kind of a wits end and called to ask for an appt, but now that its here( its today at 1:00) I'm not so sure. For 3 yrs I've told him almost everything, but now I don't want to talk to him. I don't feel like I can talk to him. I think it was a mistake to call for the appt, but I don't have the guts to cancel.
I'm just really confused about this whole gender thing. I killed it and buried it when I was a teenager. It was the part of me I've hated ever since. I'm sorry I brought it out into the light of day again and I guess I feel a little angry at my t for making it a part of our discussions.
Does everyone go back and forth about hating their t, but wanting to see them? Is it always such a seesaw of conflicting emotions? Is it ever just what a great person and I can't wait to talk to them? I mean, I do like him, and I really appreciate that he listens and helps me. I think he genuinely care about me, but its so hard to be there. Is this just how it is?