Wow, it sounds like you got a lot out there. I'm so happy you were able to talk to her today about the issues. I know what you mean about not wanting the memories. It's horrible and scary. I talked to my t today about a flashback I had this week, and he had me do some emdr work, focusing on the memory. It was the hardest thing I've done, because normally I scruntch my eyes tight during flashbacks, and for this I had to have my eyes open. I'm glad he made me stick with it though because eventually it wasn't so bad, and we were able to create a calmer situation out of it, in my head. He said the problem with the bad memories is that people don't want to remember them, so they haunt them for a long time, because confronting them is so scary. He said that it would be easy to be traumatized again by some of the memories, but that if you're in a safe place they're not so bad to go through, and can help release issues.

One thing, though: with your t, you are not in it alone. And you have way more skills and knowledge now, going through it, than you did when you were going through it in the first place.

I'm glad that your t helped with the confusion of the original. She was able to say it in a more clear manner than what I woul dhave been able.

Hugs!!!!
xoxo
IJ