I've wanted to do meditation for a long time but never really felt like I am ready to go for it. Things had been getting really bad lately, I was starting to scare myself a little, so I decided that maybe it was the right time to give meditation a go. I was right!

First I found a relaxing ambient mix of raindrops and forest sounds and stuff, and played that while I slept. The next morning I put on a meditation/hypnosis from youtube. It put me into the most relaxed state and talked me through releasing all anxiety and bad feelings and it really worked. I could feel them dissolving and once they were gone it felt amazing.

It made me realise that for years I have been in a constant state of anxiety and self-conflict. I thought that the way I was feeling was just how life is and who I am - which just made things even worse. I didn't even know that it was possible, to be comfortable in my own mind. For the first time in as long as I can remember I didn't have those feelings anymore, and I was at peace.

Now that I know that place exists and what it feels like, I can immediately identify when the borderline thinking tries to come back (which it does, constantly). I just remind myself that it is OK to have those thoughts but that I don't need them, and allow them to disappear. There is no need to fight with them anymore. Already after a couple of days I think that it is getting easier and they are troubling me less often. Probably only every minute or so now instead of literally one after another. And sometimes I do find myself back in that state again without realising, but again, I just accept it and remind myself that that's OK, and go back to peace again.

I've come on here to share this with you in the hope that you can experience that feeling of peace as well, because now more than ever I realise how bad the never ending cycle and torment of borderline personality disorder is.

This is the video I used:


I just listened to less than an hour the first time, and it was incredible. I put it on again while I slept last night and today was a good day too.

Maybe it won't work for everyone, maybe you do have to be ready for it. But believe me, you are beautiful and there is hope.