I have a feeling I will not be too honest with them about the self-harming... They can hold you for 72 hours in this state for very little, and a doctor had already tried for my sh a few months ago. I do not want to go through that again. I can talk to my T about it (she does not get too worked up over it, but there is a legit safety concern so we have agreed that I will be completely honest with her about it), but I hesitate to let anyone else in on it. I guess I will feel out the staff at the IOP and figure out my boundaries with that. I would prefer to be able to be honest about it and seek support in working through it, but at the same time, I am not sure I am ready to stop. It brings with is such relief and release... it helps keep the suicidal thinking in check.

Thanks for being here and responding to everything.

I know I should be able to trust the person I'm with, but I have put her through so much trauma with it already, I don't want to compound that. My self-harm is VERY upsetting to her. I just try to keep it in check and only tell her when I absolutely HAVE to say something (like when it was starting to get out of control over the summer and I felt I needed a short hospital stay to interrupt the cycle... I told her then because I needed to explain the trip).