There are times I do, right now being one of them. I walked into a dr's office about 15 months ago, feeling like I had made a good decision to help myself get past a temporary rough patch. I left there being made to feel like a criminal.

15 months later, I don't recognize my life. Everything is a mess, relationships, finances, career, home life. I live in constant fear and anxiety that I will be outed. I now lie and cover up like Nixon to keep a secret I never wanted in the first place. When I am discovered the world as I know it now, bad as it is, will cease to exist and I will fall down yet another level in the eyes of society. Just "some crazy guy" for the world to shun.

14 months ago, I felt I had no future, and almost killed myself. Sorry now I didn't, because this living Hell is worse than death could possibly be. I have very advantage in life, money, education, career, looks, health, home, community. It's the American Dream incarnate. And nothing I can do, no matter what resource I throw at this thing, ever makes it any better. Vey few people around me know I am going through this, I look like "a winner" to the eyes of the world. Yeah, I'm winning all right, a race to the bottom with Charlie Sheen is more like it.

I will never be anything again but what the US govern still officially calls those of us in the mh community, a "mental defective" (the actual legal term still used in USC, as if they couldn't possibly come up with anything even more stigmatizing.). I don't feel I'm "defective" but apparently the world thinks I belong on the Island of Misfit Toys. Or perhaps just exterminated so I can't cause then any trouble by forcing the "normals" to take an uncomfortable look at themselves in the mirror.

15 months and a world of treatment later, and all I have to show for it is pain, disgrace, humiliation, dehumanization, degradation. Yup, I was right, I have no future other than a race to the bottom and a miserable lonely death to look forward to. Some future. Sorry I wasn't man enough to take care of this when I had the chance. Anything is better than this.

Seeking MH treatment - basically ruined me. I wish I were dead.