That term bothers me, too. Mental defective. What a lousy term. I don't think any of us are defective. I don't think any person at all is defective. It seems like some people do from time to time, though. That's the part that bothers me about this all.

I'm glad I got help. Usually. I know that I needed it. I had reached a point in my life that was so low that I literally could not function on my own anymore. Had I not sought help, I'm not sure where I'd be right now. I did things right before I sought help... that honestly could have had serious, permanent consequences. Afraid to bring them up because, well, triggers. But I'll say that I am lucky to be here right now, typing this. I realized then that I needed to reach out. No questions asked. My life was just full of so many extreme ups and so many even more extreme downs... Is, still. But the downs have been more tolerable this past month and a half. I hope the meds are to thank for that. I don't think it's the therapy. Maybe it is. But I don't talk much in it yet.

Sometimes? Yeah, I wonder why I went in the first place. Hearing the labels brought up. Being asked Last time you were diagnosed was it bipolar disorder? and being told what I probably have. And that I am showing symptoms of X and Y. It's scary. Scary not because I think it changes who I am, but because I'm afraid it will change other people's perception of who I am. If that makes a lick of sense? It's society that scares me more. If I'm bipolar, or avoidant, or X, Y, Z... I'm fine with that. I'm still the same person. But society? All some people ever see... is the label.

I almost didn't want a label. We're all human. Isn't that label enough? I occasionally have to remind myself that the reason I'm going is to get better, and that alone shows a lot of strength. Willing to reach out proves that those of us who get help are stronger than we may realize.

I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry you're feeling this way right now. Sometimes, this all can be a roller coaster ride.