yeah i mean, the effects suck but i'm alive i guess. i don't think it was a poor decision to go through with the treatment -- i was days away from suicide, and i most likely was just really unlucky with the severity of the side effects. the fact that it made significant changes to the way my brain works leads me to believe that it could be an effective treatment for depression for some people. it's an extremely inexact science though, and i guess the changes that ended up happening in my brain were the wrong ones.

it's just incredibly frustrating for every ECT doctor who has been consulted by my psychiatrist (including those who treated me) to deny that there's any chance that ECT was responsible for what happened. it's kind of like if you were hobbling around on one leg after an amputation, and all of the most prestigious doctors in the world told you "there's no way you could possibly only have one leg."