Dear Bipolar;

You have plunged my life into darkness and given me flashes of extreme joy that turned out to be lies. Because of you I no longer trust myself. I'm never sure if joy is joy or something to fear because it will soon morph into an uglier sibling. I fight my emotions daily balancing constantly instead of just being. It is the only way to survive you. You are a menacing bully of mind and body. I am too tired to play anymore. Leave me alone.

I blunt you with medications that steal my own memory and my body and my motivation. I fight you with supplements that steal my money. I fight you with professionals who have since become my only friends. You drove the others away. This is the cruelest trick of all. For these people are friendly, but can never be my real friends.

I tried quitting you. I tried pretending you don't exist. I tried ignoring you. I even tried befriending you. You are not easy to be friends with, but I guess we're stuck with each other.

Me