( hope this doesnt trigger anyone)
My T got me thinking the other day, she asked me whether I was sexually abused by a particular family member, I quickly responded with a no, but now I am not too sure, when I think back to my childhood/adolescents I can remember physical and emotional abuse occurring, there was also domestic violence,but my understanding of sexual abuse seems confused

I can remember
- being hugged so tightly that i could feel every part of him on me, to the point of where it hurt and it feeling uncomfortable, I felt there was no reason for him to hug me
- he use to tickling me all over even though I said to stop
- he would squeeze past me rubbing himself up against me
- him smacking my butt
- sitting me on his knee and bouncing up and down
- he would where these tiny shorts that revealed everything and he would sit on the lounge opposite me with his leg up, so I could see his privates

I no longer have any contact with him, but even when this stuff was happening and I felt uncomfortable I seemed to continue to idolise him and I don't know why.

I don't know whether this is abuse or not, my understanding is that is was something that he just did and it became normal too me but I am starting to wonder whether it is normal, I am so confused