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Nov 08, 2013, 09:13 PM
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Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: NY
Posts: 12
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Hello,
Almost 8 years ago I met the love of my life. He is everything I've ever wanted in a person. Loving, supportive, etc etc, he did and said all the right things. I was 'in love' with him for about 3+ years. Our lives fell into a rut, doing the same old things all the time. He no longer complimented me and said nice things. I'm at fault as well, I began to take him for granted too. 2 1/2 years ago my dad passed away and my bf was totally there for me, but we continued in the same rut. Then I had an emergency appendectomy and again, he was there by my side. I gained some weight after the surgery and began feeling poorly about myself. I met another guy through my job who said all the right things and I ended up having an 8 month affair with him. My bf threw me out of the house, but kept after me the whole time that he wanted me back. I know - more than anyone on this earth - that what I did was wrong and I live with that guilt and pain every day. At the time I had the affair, my bf began searching women online and even dated a local one a few times. One in particular, who lives in the next state, he began to have phone conversations with. She was going through a divorce and well, misery loved company. After the 8 months passed, I ended the sexual part of the affair. I did still have some contact with the other person for a short while, but then changed jobs and ended the whole thing. I hopped around to some apartments and eventually my bf asked me back to the house. I had begun therapy while the affair was going on and continue to go regularly. My bf has gone a few times but doesn't 'buy into' the therapist gig. He says he loves me, but there's a lot of damage and he doesn't know that he'll ever trust me again or that our relationship will be the same. In the meantime, about a year ago I asked him to limit how much he was talking to the other woman. He had met her a couple of times and in fact she came over and I met her. But I maintained I wasn't happy with how their 'friendship' started and didn't want it to continue. We agreed he would never see her without my knowledge and he would only talk to her twice a week (which was still way too much for me, but you gotta start somewhere and I didn't feel it was fair for me - the original cheater - to put strong rules in effect). About a month ago I figured out there was a possibility he may have met her. I confronted him and he admitted he had and that he wanted to tell me. Two days later he admitted to yet another meeting. He maintains there's no sexual contact - they're 'just friends' and I do believe that. Two weeks ago I accessed his phone records and found out that he, since the beginning of their 'friendship' has been talking to her on an almost daily basis and on most days, more than once a day. I'm devastated. And although I know what I did was way worse, this hurts no less. I confronted him and he denied it until I put the 28 pages of phone records in his face. Then I called her and confronted her. She too, maintains they're 'just friends' and I'm just insecure and she can't help that I've created my own demons. We have since gone to the therapist together (once) and she maintains he needs to end the friendship. He is not willing to do so. I agreed last week that he could talk to her twice this week. I go to therapy again tomorrow, not sure if he's going with me. I've lost 10lbs in the past week and a half and sick to my stomach all the time. I know this is what I did to him two years ago and not only am I sorry for what I did, but I'm working on myself to ensure it never happens again. I just feel like he's not on the same page anymore. Why doesn't he understand this friendship is putting a wedge between us? Why doesn't see she it's an issue and back down? I don't know what to do  Thanks for listening... k
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