blur- Thanks, I think my T was perhaps disappointed because it seemed like everything went well when I told it, and she probably thought what I said wasn't a big deal. You're so right that it's all about risk. It's so hard to be vulnerable. Truth is, I am fed up with myself too. I've heard reassurances time and time again and I don't fully understand why this is such an issue. But I will try to be gentler with myself.