i think my dad thinks im ok because my behavior has calmed down recently. and that could change...

...but i have extremely strong paranoia everyday. it doesnt go away...


and um
i think its time i open up about this...
ive been struggling with something for a very very very long times. years...

but um...i do things 3 or 5 or 7 times. sometimes 1. touch the door 3 times. touch handles 3 times. smoke my cigarettes 3 inhales. flush the toilet once. wring my hands when i wash them 3 times. pull 3 hairs. etc stuff like that. i set my volume on tvs and odd number.

i believe that since 7 is the number of God and 1 - cuz alpha and omega - that he will bless me immediately if i do things an odd number of times but no more than 7 and try to do more than 1. i consider things in even numbers to be evil. and of the devil incarnate.

i fear doing things in even numbers. because i consider it to be evil and i think ill be considered evil by God and not be blessed. i consider people evil who do things in even numbers and consider them to be of the devil.