((((((((((((((((((( neverNding )))))))))))))))))))))))

I can feel the panic, pain, grief, anxiety and so much more in your post. I'm soooooooooooo sorry that you're feeling so badly!

You have my prayers tonight.

First, please know that you're not alone, OK? You'll never be alone while here. There are many who understand and care based on that understanding alone.

Please, please call a therapist and get in to see one ASAP. It can help so much by talking with someone. If you can't afford it, please call your local community mental health. They go according to income and sometimes take what insurance pays as payment in full.

We're here. We care.

KD