I really wanted to drink yesterday. I get so tired of this constant panic, the obsession and compulsion, not being able to live a 'normal' life. I want to be able to do things without wondering at what point I'll have to drop out due to overwhelm. I want to be able to plan a future for myself. I want to be able to travel (and I'm not even talking about cross-country or overseas, but even cross-city). I want to be able to think about things without them crumbling away in my mind. And so yeah. Drinking seemed like a really good idea to me. Even though I've been sober since 2006 and I know exactly what kind of life is waiting for me if I start again. I didn't do it. The urge is gone. Sometimes I guess I just realize how easy it would be to make one little decision and throw away years of hard work.