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Petunia said:
I can only be honest by my lonesome or in writing.

Then write. Write about how dark things are and how you can't stand it anymore. Write about how hopeless you feel. Write about feeling like a fake. Write about how you are afraid to ask for help and how you come so close to asking about meds....

Write write write it all out then hand it to your T. If you can't hand it to her...mail it. Or better yet, print out this thread.

There is hope, Christina. You can do it. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

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I agree with Petunia. My T has me do the same thing so that's what I do. Write write write. Then I pass it to her at our appt.
You are a wonderful person and don't you ever forget that!!((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))