So, right now I'm in pieces. I couldn't make myself leave the house to go to my session today. I crawled back into bed and stayed there staring at the walls for the rest of the day and took some valium to try to numb out. Didn't work.

My therapist is being a star, and is encouraging me to come tomorrow instead, or if I can't bring myself to go in we can have a phone session, or she said she can come to my place, or we can find a quiet coffee house etc and have the appointment there. So I have options, and it does make me feel a tiny, tiny bit hopeful - that somebody is willing to help me, to keep on helping me even when I feel subhuman. But it's also terrifying - right now, all my hope is kind of tied in with her. With one person. That can't be okay, can it? It's having all my eggs in one basket She has said to let her hold the hope, and I am I guess - but it scares me. Somehow, it's less scary to lie back and let go of even pretending to hope that things can be better.

Thoughts? Has anyone else experienced this? Where you feel in the absolute pit of despair, but try to allow yourself to let somebody else 'hold the hope'?