I would not want to feel so badly about myself as it sounds like you do about yourself, it would make me sad. I would celebrate the little mistakes I make; if I went somewhere and forgot something and had to go back, I would be glad I was getting more exercise (since I don't get enough sitting on this computer all day :-) or I would see if I could find something "like" what I need at my new location or do whatever it is a different way (work on my memory maybe by having forgotten my notebook or scope out someone I can ask to borrow their notes tomorrow from, make a new friend and maybe trade them for a day they will be out sick or not in the mood to take notes, etc.; wouldn't that be great to just be able to listen without having the anxiety of taking notes?) I don't see that having your backpack open is bad, wrong, stupid, makes you a loser? I think you are being harsh on yourself but no one else is and I don't see why. I think it is like driving down the road and how you don't really notice the people in the other cars and what they are doing (unless everyone is stopped at a light or something) or you see something but then move on, kind of like thinking only when we are thinking about ourselves, we can have a harder time because we can't "move on" like everyone and everything around us does. But I take comfort in knowing if I don't see what others are doing in detail or very long and don't know who those people are then they are probably having the same experience with me, not noticing, etc.