Seeing my Gp probably for the last time on Monday. Been feeling very apathetic about things this weekend and though I'm showing the below letter to the doc I guess I'm hoping for some moral support from you guys.

Each day just feels harder and harder to get through when the dips hit and I'm trying so damn hard to keep my chin up and stay hopeful that something will come from the upcoming t sessions. The letter though is I guess an expression of how futile I think that will in fact be

"Had a rough week last week with Friday being particularly bad... Suicidal thoughts up until mid afternoon and then just emptiness. Over the weekend I've just felt apathetic and thinking that looking for help is futile. These ups and downs (particularly the downs) are never going to change. The meds don't seem to be doing anything (and for the last few days I've been querying the point in them completely). This long wait to see a T has been hard... And again I'm not expecting much from it... Just a few months of circle jerk to be fobbed off again and sent on my way.

Trying to take each day at a time but it's getting harder and harder to just keep going."

Anyway goodnight all and thanks for reading... Off to bed.