Maybe it's just a fake and slightly hypo manic reaction to starting up Welbutrin before being on any proper dosage of mood stabilizer but, I feel good.

Really, I'm cleaning again! The last couple of months I sort of laid around eating potato chips and premade sandwiches because all my dishes were dirty (yes, I even have a dishwasher!) I may have been dancing down the aisle of the supermarket today too. I definitely noticed some real smiles popping up, felt like a weird muscle reaction. Lately it's been a lot of forced smiling and I've become aware of my facial muscles like any good actress should.

I'd ask my husband but he seems to get annoyed with my questions. I don't blame him though, sometimes I'll say, "do you really think I'm bipolar?" and get upset when he says yes. And he did mention it a few weeks ago, and I'm really only going back on medication again because he's been asking me to regularly for the last year. I'm pretty sure I'm fine. I'm a good actress and those moments of weakess? Move on. Er...

But what's my point again? I always thought I was super aware of depression that that whole lack of insight thing didn't apply to me and certainly not to depression but, uh, the evidence seems to point otherwise.

My doctor referred to bipolar as "your illness" I followed along but I really thought so loudly, "I'm ill?" I'm not sure I'm ever going to be comfortable with that.