Hey Everyone,
I was on the boards a while ago, not sure if anyone remembers me, I usually hung around the anxiety area!
I did suffer a really big anxiety thing last year, but it was temporary (at the time there was no way you could tell me that, I wouldn't have believed you!!!)
Took me about 9 months to stop the anxiety attacks fully, was on meds for a while, lots of relaxation, walking and supportive friends/family... went back to uni after taking 6 months off, and everything was on the up for a while...
But there is something still wrong, it's been there the whole time, but now all the anxiety has gone its really persistant and obvious to me...
It's really really hard to explain.. it's like im not like me anymore, I can sometimes be normal... because of what happened, I think about it every time I wake up, and many times thoughout the day, and it's like sometimes when I forget I am ok, other times I feel very weird, like a down feeling, not suicidal or anything...
It's almost like I am depressed but constantly fighting the feelings or scared of the feelings... so hard to explain... for example, I will be sitting here by myself and all of s sudden feel really really low, tired and like I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything, then I feel really worried about why I am feeling like that, and i think, what is wrong with me?? Am I going to keep feeling so up and down all day??
I get really irrational thinking that maybe I have never been ok, that I am not ok now at all, I am acting like i'm depressed, people know etc...
I have no idea whether I am getting better or worse, but I am so mad at myself that I can't be the way I used to be (before the anxiety thing, I was fine, nothing like this had ever happened before, didn't even think about ever having anxiety/depression etc)
This is so long, and really confusing, so sorry!
I would just like to know what people think, cause trying to explain this to my mum/b'/f etc, they say you are fine! waaaay better than before, don't stress everyone has down days....
Thanks for reading,
Kel xxx
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