I know that you said that you don't want to believe that once you die that is it but you said that the thought that that might be true makes you feel very afraid.

So in the interests of helping you feel less afraid I'll say that I believe that death is the end (though I'll admit I might be wrong). The thought of death being the end doesn't really scare me, however.

Wittgenstein once said:

Death is not an event in life because death is not lived THROUGH.

The notion is that if death is the end then there is nothing it is like to be dead. And so... There is nothing to fear.

I think of the state of death as being like a state of dreamless sleep. I'm not afraid of falling to sleep everynight and so I don't need to fear death either.

The absence of pain is a wonderful wonderful wonderful thing that is often underestimated.

So long as death is the absence of pain then I don't mind death (though I get a little apprehensive that it might not be I don't really believe that it will hurt)

Sometimes I look forward to death. But no
no
no
we are not friends enough yet.