Sterella,

I did DBT for one year and I can tell you that YES DBT helps with teaching you how to build an "acutal relationships." I, myself doubted DBT at first too thinking that I work FT, go to school, and take care of 7 people so I "function" well enough in society. In contrast, most of the people in my group had substance abuse, umemployment, self-harm, extreme impulsiveness, highly unstable emotions, etc that was interfering with their capability to function.

DBT group is not a processing group meaning you share in depth details about an upsetting event and your group members would give support. DBT groups are a skills learning group. The therapists teach you the skills and you're expected to apply those skills to your life. Then you report back to the group at each session how the most recent skills that you were taught were used and how did it go. If someone was to go in depth on a certain situation that deviates from telling the group how the skill was applied to the prompting event, the therapist will most likely stop them and remind them that the group is NOT a support group.

I saw a lot of things you wrote in your post that gave me a really strong feeling that you are going to benefit SO much from DBT.

If I had to sum up DBT in three words...it would be.....mindfulness.

Everything that you're learning from DBT, no matter if it's interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerlance, or emotion regulation; the point is mindfulness ties in with all the units.

To make a change in yourself, you must know what drives the behavior. Think of the analogy of a infectious disease. If you only treat the symptoms and not try to find the source of the problem and treat that, the disease will never be properly treated or eradicated. The point is, finding what are the behaviors/thoughts that are causing you to not have "actual relationships."

I see that you have realized and noticed that you're "overly empathetic and become extremely guilt-driven to make others happy and their lives more meaningful/enjoyable." If you're willing to stick with DBT, you will learn and notice that in this statement, you only talked and mentioned the other peoples' happiness but what about you? Isn't your happiness important too? You deserve to be happy just like them right? You deserve to have fulfilling relationships that are not one sided.

I was sadden by your statement "I know how to fake these interpersonal skills." I doubt that you "fake" these skills. You need to give yourself more credit. These are skills that you've learned over the course of your lifetime and it's gotten you to where you are today. Take pride in them that they've allowed you to function well in certain aspects of your life.

When I read you're statement "My problem is having actual relationships" I knew right there and then that you're right where you need to be if having "actual relationships" is what your heart truly desires. Each and every relationship you have had or will have are different. Think of relationships as an investment. The quality of your relationship with people will depend on how much or little you and the other person have invested into it. Being vulnerable to the other person has such a powerful affect in relationships especially if they in return are vulnerable to you too. It's a huge risk being vulnerable to someone you feel safe with but well worth it. DBT will teach you how to be effective on a deeper and honest level which helps drive a healthy fulfilling relationship.

I'm not boarderline and yet I went through DBT. I hate those labels anyways. It's a bunch of crappy words put together. Anyone can benefit from DBT and so can you. I really hope that you will give DBT more time. Take what you want and leave behind what you don't want from DBT. Use what works for you and your goals. Also, remember that even though you're given homework on a weekly basis, you want to work on continuously applying all the skills that you've learn throughout the course but most important, your life. Practice really makes perfect here.

In any case, I wish you the best!