Maybe you need to be reclusive because you have too much pressure from others or you feel others as too much pressure?

It is possible that you have to find the right amount of caring that you can take, and when you can't take it anymore, it should be ok to say no to some, instead of going for the opposite behavior.

From what you wrote, seems to me that you go from being too much with people to not wanting them around at all.
You ask other people to tell you if you are too much. Maybe you should telling people around you when they are too much and set your boundaries. And maybe you won't need to go reclusive.