Spoke with pdoc on Friday. On Tuesday she was going to out me on lexapro, which I didn't want because I had been on it before and it had done nothing, and ADs tend to put me in a mixed state anyway. But Friday I was so desperate for something to take away the horrible depression that I was going to take anything.

Except she suggested Seroquel. It floored me - I guess I think of Seroquel as an older drug, even though I don't think it's that old, one used for severe cases. This is just the perception I have, and not necessarily the truth. I also know that Seroquel is one of the big weight gainers. I can't stand the idea of gaining more weight (risperdal caused fifteen extra pounds to settle in). I just sucked it up and bought new jeans and work pants to accommodate the risperdal weight gain and now this? Of course she said it doesn't happen to everyone but if I gained weight with one I'm likely to gain weight with another. I also know that Seroquel has a sedating effect, which I am nervous about because I don't handle sedating medications well, they tend to knock me out for much longer than most people.

That being said what was I supposed to do? She wouldn't prescribe anything else and I couldn't live with the depression - it was immobilizing. She said just try it for now and see how things go. She wants me to go up to 300mgs by Tuesday. She gave me cogentin to counteract the restless leg symptom I had the last time I took Seroquel.

This morning I don't have the same sense of dread that I have had for a week. But I'm also feeling restless. I feel like my skin is crawling. It's not the same feeling from mania because I am still super tired. Does anyone else get the restlessness with Seroquel? If so is it temporary? I'm supposed to go up to 200 tonight. I'm not sure if I will if this restlessness doesn't stop.

Wish me luck, this seems to be my only chance to get out of the depression. The next option is ECT, which I really don't want to do again. I'll be out of work for weeks if I do that.