Coming from someone who has battled self destruction...

It sounds like you need to get your mind right and make up your mind before you try to get help for the things that you believe will help you. If you don't believe they will help then they won't. If something is hurting you to the point that you get stuck in a rut of self destruction then you will have to make your mind up that you won't do that anymore. Then, step out and reach for help on the areas where you need it.