my father was also an abusive alcoholic. I was the oldest and he took everything out on me. I have large periods of my childhood that I can't even remember and what I do remember was really bad. in my case it would definitely have been better for him to be completely absent. he was a deadbeat too, but that paled in comparison to the abuse. the funny thing is that when he was older and became sick he wrote me a letter that said he wanted to get to know his family again. not a word about how he treated me or that he was sorry. it absolutely blew my mind. I never responded because it made me sick to read it and my kids were young at the time and it just triggered everything all over again. I couldn't have anything to do with him.