I know I have to worry about me and she needs to worry about her but for me this seems much easier said than done... And I hate the motto of AA and NA I know I'm not an addict so maybe I just don't get it but I feel like "I am powerless over my addiction" And "it's a disease" are cop out statements (for some not for all) My issues with my wife are and always have been that she won't take responsibility for her actions for example we were 3 months into her addressing her her own behaviors and childhood issues in therapy and going through couples counseling to repair our marriage, it got painful (because life is sometimes painful) And she stopped going to therapy and is now magically an addict so we have to stop dealing with her emotional issues and she "had to focus on recovery" so I'm on hold again This has been the cycle over and over and I get that the two issues go hand in hand but she needs to address both not keep pausing one and hiding behind the other and she doesn't get it. I've been in therapy most of my life I know how painful it can be, but it won't fix anything unless she lets it. it wasn't easy for me to address my father leaving our my grandfather dying or the emotional mental and physical abuse from my step father or that I was raped at 16 or that my best friend was set on fire And burned to death when I was 25 but I knew that running around drinking and doing cocaine was not working for me anymore so I thought I'd try it a different way and guess what it worked. now I'm I'm no way trying to say I'm all better or better than her but I have come a long way I know this because my reaction this time was better, I did not self mutilate or drink or do drugs because I have finally accepted that her fight is not mine. I just hope this time that she will stand up and fight for her life and it can't be for me it has to be for her and the price at the end is the "normal life" she's always wanted the past I'm still trying to process is that it might not be with me :'(