Oh, hon... It's a big step admitting that you're depressed... the first step in getting the proper help.
I was just the same before I totaly went to pieces. I'm still putting on a faked smile very often.
You're inner-self is in need for some good feeding. I would suggest that you seek a therapist and tell that person about how you're really feeling inside. Continue to open up to us here on PC. We care about you and our ears are yours!

((((((((( Bebop ))))))))))