Google and start reading about projective identification. Lately i've been controlling myself from doing it. I've understood the mechanism and am quite self conscious about it when i'm about to do it.

Analyse what you did there. You've texted her it's ok not to come, just so you get reassured about your plans. That's some form of manipulation. Next time when you know something is happening, don't interfere and don't expect everything to be perfect. You've become anxious in the moment you've realized something might be wrong because she did not immediately answer, in other words, you've brought this feeling to yourself. If you're uncertain it's happening, then just give the other person a chance to express him/herself first.

Again, look at what you wrote... you needed her to like you and stick with you, but why did you text her it's fine if she's not willing to come in the first place?

Other easy to detect projective identification is when you're speaking with someone and you're basically asking for their approval - ending a sentence with "right?"
examples:
I'm pretty today, right?
Don't tell me i'm unstable right now!
It's expensive, but we should buy it, right?

Basically you always expect the next person to agree with you, and you know he will, but try hard to stop yourself next time. Maybe someday you will remember my advice and you will understand why it's helpful.
Our brains are ****ed up and we need to readjust our thinking.