Ugh, that is a rough spot to be in and one I know well. It is terrifying to stay, and terrifying to leave. For years I had that mental battle with myself. We had horrific fights, name calling, screaming. He would disappear and spin it so that I was to blame when he finally came home. I never trusted him, but I stayed for years and years fearing no one else would want me. Fearing being alone, that's all that kept me in that relationship. Fearing that true thought as well. Finally, one day I caught him in a huge lie. I felt physically ill, I think it must have been my first panic attack. I was dizzy, just sick to my stomach, sick because I knew it was over. And it was. If this ever happens to you, I highly recommend getting laid with someone new as soon as you can after breaking it off. I had several rebound relationships. They were all fun and exciting, and I suddenly felt so free, I was over my ex in a matter of a month. Then I calmed down, found a much better person, and life goes on.