Recently I had been triggered into thinking of an incident of sexual assault that went on for over a year when I was 13 (http://forums.psychcentral.com/survi...assault-2.html) Since then I have been lead by my brain to other uncomfortable thoughts that I do not think about. I was also taken advantage of one I was 19. I did not say no to them, for one they had driven with me to a secluded place far from my house, given me alcohol, and then proceeded to all get naked. They asked me to do things and I did because I was scared and I liked one of them. I no longer did after that happened. I have been thinking so much about how many times I had sex with a boy I didn't really want to just because I thought it would get me love, get them to stay around and be there for me. It was always only about the sex though. I don't like to think about my sexual history before Gary, I was always drunk and I was always just having sex so someone would love me. I feel so uncomfortable about all of it now that it's been brought into my mind space and I just want it all to go away. I wish it would just go back into hiding so I could forget it all again. I wish my BPD didn't make it so easy for me to be taken advantage of. I told my best friend yesterday, first time I told anyone IRL and she was so upset. She also said that boys look for girls like me. "ones they know don't want it, but won't tell anyone"