That was ugly of him to tell you while you were away and alone at a professional conference where you needed to be able to concentrate on what was going on there. I would definitely consult a lawyer and accountant when I got back home, remind myself of the overall family situation and think about what I wanted/see happening and then have a conversation with my husband and maybe see about family counselling for the children as it is all worked out, whatever your husband and you decide to do to move forward.

As much as we love another adult, we cannot direct their actions for them, make them be responsible and supportive partners, parents, etc. I do not know what has been going on in the past year but it does not sound like he is working to make the marriage work better?