The Seroquel has given me enough strength to fight back this depression. I feel like I'm a boxer and I was almost knocked out but got up at the last second to face the enemy. I'm bruised and bleeding but I am so alive. I am so thankful I found a pdoc who took the time to be concerned for me and didn't just throw me in the hospital. She said she went to a lecture specifically to get ideas for my case and that's why she recommended Seroquel. She took the time to call my husband and ask him how I have reacted to antidepressants in the past before writing a script for one and ultimately decided against it. My last pdoc jut said don't worry nothing will happen and sent me spinning into a mixed episode once again.

I'm up and I'm ready for the fight. I thought about my life this afternoon and how I cannot kill myself without destroying my family. Then I thought about the fact that due to longevity in my family it's pretty safe to say I'm going to live for at least fifty more years. Those would be some looooong years if I didn't get out of bed and face it. So here I am. Pulling out my tools as weapons for the fight that I will win someday.

And bonus - I got through this crisis without hospitalization. That is a step forward for me this year.

Thanks for everyone's support here. I hope I can return the favor.