Hi Aja,
I kinda know where you're comin from. I'll whatever it takes to numb the pain too. I've just spent the last 4 days drunk. But I kno it's not really the best thing to do. I don't really have any advice - as u can see I'm in a hole myself. But I can say hang on in there. I know it's difficult. But the fact you're reaching out for support is a good sign.
We're here for u.